install theme

I have this song on my mind. I remembering feeling this way about someone I loved very much and who I STILL love to this day. They say you never can get over your first love, and it’s never as strong or as powerful as the first person you REALLY loved. Well, they were right…

(Source: Spotify)

Looking For Submissions To My New Blog….

I just created another blog, and I’m looking for people who would like to submit vent letters. The vent letters could be about any and everything you want, it doesn’t matter. You can submit as many letters as you want. 

If you’d like to submit a vent letter about someone or something, please go tohttp://ventlettersanonymous.tumblr.com/

People Think They Know…

But they have NO idea. So recently a situation happened between me and my other half’s family that really gave me a new perspective on life. To make a long story short, because I will NOT go into details about what happened, his aunt tries to have a “talk” with me.

Basically she was saying how I have to be a certain way to get ahead and whatnot. I don’t have to be a damn thing but me. I’m not trying to appease to anyone, or to please anyone to make anyone happy. But out of respect for his family, I’m not going to go off on her just yet. But I’m so tempted to. She’s pushing me to that point. I’ll try to keep my cool for as long as I can. 

I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m antisocial. I’ve never hidden the fact that I don’t like being around people. (it’s not that I don’t like people, it’s just I don’t really care for my other half’s family too much). I may not have said it in so many words, but my actions most definitely speak louder than any words I could say. 

I’m to myself. Always been that way, always will be. No one, NO ONE will change that except ME! I’ve made it this far in life, using the skills I have knowing when, where and how to get what I want without anyone telling me “how I should act”.

I know she’s trying to help and look out, and she feels like because she’s older she’s obligated to say something, but I just let her talk to let her think she knows what she’s saying. She doesn’t know me, she doesn’t know what I’ve been through in life. So I don’t have to defend myself against a person who likes to assume.

I’ve been going back and forth with myself thinking about all the things I should have said and could have said. But then I realized, who am I trying to prove myself to? Who is she that I have to explain myself? I’ll let her think what she wants. What she thinks or feels about me is NOT MY CONCERN. Neither is what the rest of his family thinks! I’m not fucking none of them but HIM so why do I have to kiss anyone’s ass? I’m not.

I just had to vent to get this off my chest because it’s been bugging me. It’s not the first time she said some slick things to me. But it’s going to get to the point where I’m gonna have to put her in her place eventually.

For some reason, I’ve got this song on my mind. Falling in love is beautiful, especially when the feeling is mutual.

(Source: Spotify)

Pictures of me and my other half :)

Free-Style Writing For The Recovering Soul…

Just writing what’s on my heart. Nothing specific. Just free-styling. I’m going through a self-healing phase where I need to get all my demons out in the open. I remember a time when I used to be such a private person. Where I would rather let things eat me up inside instead of talk about them. I won’t say that now I am an open book, but some of the things I write about now I would have NEVER shared before.

I guess It’s just that time for me to cleanse myself of my own pain. Come to terms with who I am as a person. Be real with myself. Be honest with who I truly am and stop trying to be someone I’m not. It’s not easy for someone like me to be vulnerable. It’s not natural for me. I used to feel as though If I am vulnerable, people will see me as weak. But now, I could care less what people think about me.

I know that I’m definitely not a weak person. From dealing with physical/mental/emotional/verbal abuse from my family and from previous relationships and for me to make it out alive, it definitely shows that I’m not weak. From going from being suicidal to being able to just deal with my problems instead of run from them is a big improvement. From being on my own since 16 and having to do what I had to do to survive is definitely not the definition of a “weak” person

I’ve been through hell and back in my life. But who hasn’t? Sometimes it feels like you are all alone. Like you are the only person dealing with things. That’s how it feels until you meet other people who are going through the same exact things. It feels like being in love all by yourself with the person you love but they don’t feel the same way. I don’t know any other way to be but real. I don’t know how to sugarcoat things. I may hide my past, but I definitely cannot deny it, ignore it, or forget it.

The reason? Well because it haunts me. The memories of the things that have happened to me and the things I’ve done keep replaying in my mind over and over again like a mind movie. I’ve forgiven myself a thousand times, only for the wound to be triggered by something and the relapse starts over again. There’s so much pain in my heart. Anger. I release it, but then it starts to grow again. It’s like a bond fire slowly emerging from the wood.

So what do I do? I retreat. I sabotage myself. I sabotage anything good because apart of me feels like I don’t deserve it. Apart of me doesn’t feel worthy. I don’t care how many affirmations I say, the truth of the matter is, it’s starting not to work anymore. It’s starting to become hard for me to keep it together. I wonder if this is apart of my ascension?

To work through my demons, my skeletons, my pain, my hurt. To share it with others to feel a sense of relief? I have no other way to share what I’ve been through with others besides writing it. Because writing is my therapy. So I’m officially in session. So for the next few days, you might read some things that may shock you. It may disturb you. It may make you cry. It’s just my way of detoxing myself of the pain that’s in my heart. 

I can only be true. I can only be real. That’s what I’m going to do. To get better. To feel better. To be better. I don’t know any other way.

Thank you for reading.

Love & light 

-Monay

So true!
buddhist-vibes:

Want more spirituality and nature?!?! Check it out!!
BUDDHIST-VIBES.TUMBLR.COM
-scenery:

Skógafoss. (by xTorfinnx)
Nothing is better than love! Love is the best! Love is the highest! Love is everything, everywhere, all the time! I am love! You are love! We are all love!

HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN
“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. -Bob Marley 
Awww…this is so sweet! (tears) lol
I’ll be honest and admit I’ve gotten the two confused before…
keshakriptonite:

#kandi #plur #peace #love #unity #respect (Taken with instagram)